Publish date: 12 June 2024
Poem and words by Maggie Stovold, West London Carer
Because
Because most of my days are filled with a huge loss
I cannot invite you round to tea for chats and jollity
I don’t want to hear
How well so and so is doing at university
How happy blah de blah is in their new home
How marvellous the cruise was
How stunning the holiday home is
How gorgeous the new grandchild is
How enthralling the theatre was
How tearjerking the film was
How delicious the food in that new restaurant was
How free you are to lead the life you choose for yourself
How fulfilled and ecstatic and wondrous and care free your existence is
I am not envious
I am not jealous
But I am bitter and twisted …..
…. today
I wrote this poem on a bad day. However, not all of my days are bad.
I have two sons who suffer from mental illness and their struggles have been on and off for the last 20 or so years.
As a mother, I have very clear memories of when my boys were young and very carefree little chaps. Like most mothers I had anticipated ‘normal’ pathways and trajectories for my sons' lives and mine.
But none of that normality was going to be for us. As a family we have experienced crisis, trauma, psychosis, overdoses and other suicide attempts and of course sectioning under the Mental Health Act.
So my poem was me on a bad day, feeling a bit sorry for myself.
However, what I would say is, I don’t want anybody else to feel sorry for me or pity me.
You see, for me and my family, to have lived through what we have, has made us exceptional. I tell my sons they are exceptional, they are brave, they are courageous, they are survivors of catastrophic disasters.
Far from pity them I see their strength and their power. And that will have to be another poem!
Kind regards,
Maggie Stovold